Today marks the day that I walked away from the dream I held on dearly for half a decade. Medicine. The National Medicine Admission Test is today, the gateway to the medschool dream. And I did not take it.

I spent a few blogposts saying how I worked hard for it, how badly I want it. But now, all that stress, all  that drama isn’t worth it anymore. I don’t know if its because of change of plans or a complete and total change of heart.

Letting go of something you’ve been with for how long isn’t easy. Well its more of being at crossroads, only you’ve been so sure that you’ll be taking this path when the time comes and when it does, you take the other one. It makes you ask: What if?

I know I may be a coward when I say this but that road, the one that leads to medicine is hard. Very hard. And I don’t know if I could take it. Better back out now while I still can rather than in the future when I’m so tangled in my own web of shit that I can’t even get myself out anymore.

Leaving your dream, it opens up a lot of possibilities. And its very scary. I’ve seen myself being in medicine for so long that I don’t know how to not be in it… if that makes sense.

The thing is, I’m in another crossroad right now of what to do with my life and it scares me. The potential of me regretting this day is very high. And I don’t even know if my other plan would turn out good, if that whats really in store for me. I don’t know if it’ll be harder or easier. All I know is I’m taking a leap of faith. I don’t know if its worth it in the long run but for now, it very is.

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