Last night was really tough, I’ve been going through emotional stress at the moment with the added difficulties of trying to fit in everything that needs to be done, and its getting to me.

One thing you should know (if you haven’t figured it out already) is that I’m full of pride, sometimes when you’ve hit an all time low pride is really all that you’ve got. Another thing is that I’m a really passive person. Put those two together mixed with drama and poof, a recipe for disaster.

I am not getting into specifics because I do not blog so that gossip mongrels could take a whiff of my life, but to vent and let it all out. And venting I shall do.

I’m going to start by saying its my fault. Usually my being passive saves me a lot of shit to fix and that’s good, this time though that trait has put me into deep shit.

I am not one to grovel, I give up easily, I don’t really exert a lot of efforts into a relationship. In my mind, whats done is done and if that’s what you want then fine, I will not beg for you to change your mind. I go on.

I guess I’ve found the person that’s an exception to every rule that I’ve ever had. Last night every ounce of pride that’s left in me vanished as I got to my knees and begged for him to forgive me, to fix it; he wouldn’t even look at me.

I know it sounds really bad but I’m only holding up because of him. Long story short, with begging and lots of crying I was forgiven. But its not the same as before as we’re both hunted by that mistake. One mistake.

I don’t know if its just plain paranoia on my part but I hope it gets better. I’m willing to work on it, I really am. All I want is to just go back to the easy way we used to work. But I guess life isn’t always easy and the universe has this quota of happiness before you reach a halt. I guess I’ve used up my quota and I’m in the halt.

And I know I’m gonna spend a significant amount of time trying to make up for my fuck up but whatever, I gotta do what I gotta do.

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